"peak" into the changing room

I'll never be different, but also never the same. Between knitted brows, I can hardly recognize pictures of myself from a year ago.

I think that every year, we convince ourselves that we're here, at the peak. We set ourselves up to believe that our present is our best. We build our lives off of a persona-- the facade that we are (in Siddartha's words) in a state of higher consciousness. The doubt and anxiety for the future are ever-present, but "New Year, New Me" is an important declaration. It is standing in front of the world, promising that you are better. Better than your past and, though most of us would never admit it, better than your contemporaries.

"Czarodziekji" by Malwina de Brade (2017)

Posturing aside, the desperation to succeed is part of being human. Siddartha reeked of this. No well-adjusted person obsesses over transcending the plane of existence. We almost always want to change, our desperation to catalyze this growth undulates with our life phases. That said, I wish we weren't meant to suffer before we can change. But, we do. If we were allowed to remain stagnant, we would be completely content.

"Prayer in Samarkand" by Daniil Stepanov (1925)

Maybe that's what higher consciousness is. It's reaching your personal summit, no longer requiring growth or change. In the grand scheme of things, change is living. So, is self-realization a (non-physical) death? For all of Siddartha's struggles, was that result truly worth it? What's the point of living, if you aren't living?

Questions aside, we all strive for peace. Barring mythical enlightenment, our evolution still makes life fruitful. In the end, it's like a Hannah Montana song. The peaks might not be all that, but it doesn't matter. For us, it's all about the journey, the climb.

P.S. I'm really proud of the pun in the title. Please laugh.

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Reading:

Eternal Life by Dara Horn

Beautiful World, Where Are You by Sally Rooney

Listening: